ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E5: Where No One Has Gone Before

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

5. Where No One Has Gone Before is your basic NAMBLA [1] episode. A couple of guys come on board the Enterprise and make it vroom all over the universe and the vrooming just gets out of hand basically and the scarier one of the two guys, the one named Traveler (curiously this is also the name of Robert E. Lee’s horse), takes a fancy to Wesley and tells Captain Picard how precious and wonderful and Mozartean etc., etc., little Wesley is. It is a mark of how civilized they are in the future that no one openly laughs in Traveler’s face. (It takes six years, but Traveler finally finally nails Wes).

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

1. Just look it up yourself.

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E4: The Last Outpost

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

4. The Last Outpost. Here Riker is declared bestest guy in the whole damn world by T’Kon, the Carekeeper. *Oh, I am Riker, Sexgod of Sexgods. Look on my good stuff, ladies, and get down!* Of course, his only competition is a bunch of Ferengis (first Ferengi sighting, by the way). Poor Jonathan Frakes: he’s just crucified by being Roddenberry’s Marlon Sue. Hey, I’m not making this crap up; I’ve done research! Frakes reports that he was told by Roddenberry not to smile the whole first season because GR wanted Riker to get that “midwest Gary Cooper thing” going on. OH REALLY. We thought it was that “midwest piece of wood thing”. On a related topic, upstairs in a closet chez Sunbeam, I have one of those Big Cardboard Rikers! Everyone here is fond of Big Cardboard Riker; he comes to all our parties, and he helps us out at Halloween too! A couple of years ago as a birthday gift, I gave Mr. Sunbeam a handmade bar guide which I entitled “Put Some Gin In It This Time!” (something I say a lot). Among other things, it contains a recipe for a Big Cardboard Riker; you have to use blue curacoa [1] and a little plastic trombone.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

1. However it’s pronounced.

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E3: Code of Honor

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

3. Code of Honor. Those crazy Negroes! A terrible episode! Not even Governor Wallace would have an excuse for this racist ep! Tasha fights a black gal in the *Star Trek* equivalent of “Under the Bamboo Tree” [1] and one of them either wins or loses, depending on your point of view. Also, it looks as if Jean-Luc may not be as good an archaeologist as he thinks he is. At the beginning, he gives the Negroes a sculpture and says in his best RSC [2] way: “Here, you lot, something as primitive as you are! A Sung dynasty sculpture of a horse!” SUNG!!!! When it is so clearly T’ang!! I mean, that’s one of those things you learn in remedial Chinese art history! It’s like saying, here’s an Egyptian mummy from the time of George Washington!!!! Fortunately, TPTB [3] get their act considerably together after this.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

1. Y’know, I looked this reference up and it just doesn’t make any sense, so I’m not going to confuse either of us with it.
2. Royal Shakespeare Company
3. The Powers That Be

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E2: The Naked Now

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

2. The Naked Now. A sex virus afflicts the crew, and, as Elvis so tellingly puts it in his *Peace in the Valley*, they are changed, changed from the creatures they am. Since the actors are still searching for their instruments, they make many silly gestures. Deanna [1] calls Will “Bill”. Bill. BILL. Jean-Luc clowns around with how much Bev sexually arouses him (boy, he gets over that FAST, doesn’t he?) And, finally, Data points out that he’s fully functional, thus engendering a boozillion sex fantasies. Not to mention a groozillion teeshirts.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

1. DEE-anna? Dean-a? I’m sure someone will correct me eventually. Until then, Councilor Cleavage is getting called DEE-anna.

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E1: Encounter at Farpoint

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

1. Encounter at Farpoint. Wherein introduced is the basic strategy of TNG episodes: Things Happen So There Must Be a Plot! So tonight Things Happen while you see the cast warming up their characters. It’s interesting how far wrong Brent Spiner and His Love-Yahweh SirLordPatrickStewartiness (I am not worthy to speak His name) are about their characters, plus Bev is SO hostile! Only Wil Wheaton is actually Wes. Kinda interesting that. Wait, what am I saying? I must be insane! Of course, John deLancie knows EXACTLY what’s he doing as Q. U Can’t Touch Q! Don’t Hurt ‘Em deLancie! (BTW, love the hippy dippy Deadhead who chastises the . . . thing that is doing the . . . thing.)

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville