ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E12: Datalore

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

12. Datalore. This is where we meet Super Fantasy Fodder Lore! AND the Crystalline Entity (grrr!) Lore is your classic evil twin: sinister, amusingly effete, and PRETTY HOT! But, of course, stupid Wesley has to fling Lore into outer space. (Also, stupid Wesley seems to be alone in recognizing that Lore is NOT Data. I guess Wheaton was the only one to read that week’s script.) We learn about Data’s off switch too. Hmmm, I think I’d like a man with an *on and off* switch, knowwhutimean? Hey, yall, who’s hot for Lore? Is it Geordi? Or Deanna? Tasha maybe? And then who does LORE want most? Riker? Or Cap? Or is it . . . Data himself that Lore fancies? A capital episode!

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E11: The Big Goodbye

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

11. The Big Goodbye. Hey, whatever happened to the Ship’s Historian? We never see this character or this role again! Boohoo! At any rate, Jean-Luc goes off and plays detective Dixon Hill on the holodeck in order to relieve certain bug-related tensions (the bugs are a tribe of aliens who demand that he speak their pointless gibberish perfectly when he greets them or else they’ll pack up their doll clothes and go home). Not much of a plot premise if you ask me. Nonetheless, Atrickpay Oowartstay *really* earns his Star Trek nickel here. In one fab scene, he’s Dixon Hill glaring at the police goons who are giving him the third degree and then, in the same take, he breaks character and tells the holograms how good they are. You gotta see it! Plus he graces his 1940’s costumes with the most heartfelt eleganza. Can you blame Q for loving him so? (Since this is before everyone knew what they were doing, JLP and Bev make plans to go his Dixon-Hill-office and GET BUSY. JLP and Bev tres hot here. He’s dying to put his hand on her knee, right under the edge of her rayon hem, and then move that great paw up to the tops of her nylon stockings and toy with her garters while she whispers “no, Jean-Luc, no, we mustn’t,” but of course she wouldn’t mean it. *sigh*)

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E10: Haven

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

10. Haven. Wherein we are introduced to the explicable gifts of Lwaxana Troi [1]. We also get to meet Wyatt with whom Deanna was betrothed from birth and also his Etch-a-Sketch hobby. Everybody makes a huge big fat deal about this betrothal, and then it is never alluded to EVER again. We also get to see Jean-Luc pretending Lwaxana’s luggage is heavy (I love hokey stage business like that, and JLP is good).

This is another short one so S1E11 will be right along afterwards. But usually each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

1. I don’t CARE how it’s pronounced. Y’know, I loved M. Barett in TOS, but she’s half the reason I stopped watching TNG. The other half is that JLP carrying her luggage. Would Kirk do that? I think NOT! Would Kirk allow Counselor Cleavage on the Bridge? I think NOT! Yes, I was through with TNG. So, yes, I’m reading these to you w/out ever having seen much of the show. So what?

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E9: Hide and Q

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

9. Hide and Q. Q wears the hottest outfit in his career, a French Empire kinda thing: I must say, he has a sexy lap. He also tries to seduce the thuggish Riker who just doesn’t get it. “Say, Blue Eyes, it’s hot, isn’t it, and we could play a little game, couldn’t we, and let me ply you with alcohol, and what are you doing later tonight?” But Riker just goes “duh”. Bafflingly, Q still grants Riker the power of the Q, so Riker makes a lame attempt to give everybody what they want most. Wesley gets suddenly grown up (he turns out to be the kind of guy who works at Chess King in the mall), Worf wins a date with Acquanetta the Eel Woman, and Geordi can see! Only Jean-Luc spurns him, and all of sudden ALL CREATION realizes what Q’s getting at. Jean-Luc, for God’s sake, man, put out!

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last because I’m only human, you know). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E8: The Battle

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

8. The Battle. Listless Ferengi plot. Jean-Luc goes mad. This is before PSHimself realized Jean-Luc *doesn’t* go mad. In theory we get backstory on JLP, but none that helps us any.

Yet again another brief wonder from our Sunbeam, so S1E9 will follow on ‘terrectly. Otherwise, as you will soon learn, each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E7: Justice

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

7. Justice. Riker and an away team go to the Planet of the Zombie Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders! Bunch of blondes of all genders fetchingly tug at their thong-like outer garments as they welcome our gang. (Many visits to Wig Outlet Mall went into the making of this ep.) Turns out these new people are hot to trot AND they want to kill Wesley (someone in the front office seems to be working through some issues here). Poor old Jean-Luc has to explain all this to Bev. (Bev is slightly affected.) Head of Zombie Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders gets on her knees to Picard, but nothing much happens. Oh, BTW, we get to see God. Worf sums it up when he says: “Nice planet.”

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S1E6: Lonely Among Us

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

6. Lonely Among Us. So much plot! My head can hardly retain all this plot. Okay, the plot: basically two races hate each other (they are the Calico Cat and Gingham Dog of races); the episode ends when it runs out of plot. (Note to TPTB: More sex and ass and nipples and quivering manhoods and so on. And less plot.)

This is one of Sunbeam’s shorter masterpieces, so the equally brilliant S1E7 masterpiece will follow immediately, if not sooner. Unless otherwise noted, each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

I was feeling sneezy and scratchy throaty tonight, so some of the credit for the sheen on tonight’s recordings of Eps 6-12 must go to Adult Robitusin. I must give credit where credit is due, especially when it allows me to do something that might be considered misguided. Why, when I was a girl, a moonlight stroll with a beau might involve a sabre tooth tiger attack. But did that ever stop me? Heavens no! It did, however, rather neatly weed out who would and would not get to pass on their DNA. No one can ever say I’m not a trouper. Laryngeally reckless, but definitely a trouper.