ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S2E41: Q Who?

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

41. Q Who. OOOOOoooohhhh. Another ep centering on Jean-Luc’s thighs! See, there’s a bar full of hot men and no women at all! And the most handsome and dominant man drapes his huge thighs across a barstool and says to the prettiest boy there: “You’re fascinating to learn about but next of kin to chaos.” And the prettiest boy’s wide dreaming poppy-colored mouth opens and he’s stunned. Everywhere in America, brains caught ON FIRE!!! (Even if the grammar was baffling.) John deLancie is at his maximum beautifulness here; it’s just uncanny. This ep starts off with the famous (to us) kidnaped-in-a-shuttlecraft scene between Jean-Luc and Q, as meaningfully crafted as a Vermeer.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S2E40: Pen Pals

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

40. Pen Pals. Before Data saves tonight’s kitten, Jean-Luc splays those fabulous thighs across a fine piece of horseflesh. Alas, the camera does not linger, but, who cares, Jean-Luc’s ineffable foxiness . . . is just ineffable. See: stupid old TPTB wanted J-L to just be, like, what?, the Obi Wan Kenobi of TNG? Then, when everybody in Hollywood found out how much WE ladies LUUUUUUUUUUUURVVVVVVVVE His P.S.ness, they start doing all this shit, like f’rinstance giving Daniel Benzali a teevee show. “Yoohoo, girls, he’s a Brit, and bald, and kinda of temperamental! Now watch Our Show!” The corporate mind clearly misunderstands the many-throated Cleopatra that is American womankind. Jean-Luc Picard and Only Jean-Luc Picard will do. Now peel us a grape.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S2E39: The Icarus Factor

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

39. The Icarus Factor. Here Mitch Ryan turns up as Riker’s mean daddy. Yeah, the very same daddy who turned out young Will to the mining camps of the Yukon back when Will was the most lissome fifteen-year- old under the Northern Lights. When I went to my first con this year (KiSCon, March 2001) I thought I was in Heaven! Because SURELY there’s a round-the-clock video room in Heaven which shows nothing but old William Shatner television shows! What. A. Trip. KiSCon screened one early-60’s episode of *The Defenders* where Shatner played a man-in-the-grey- flannel-suit type who accidentally kills a guy. Well, Shatner has to go on trial, but the defense claims that nobody really liked the dead guy so Shatner might as well be declared innocent (and we all better watch our asses!) Interestingly enough, Joanna Linville, who played the Romulan Commander, is Mrs. Killer- Executive Shatner here, and then Mitch Ryan shows up! He’s the dead guy’s brother and he wants Shatner to fry! (Ryan must specialize in wicked relatives.) Anyhow, Shatner makes a big courtroom speech (“get a life!” he tells the jury) and then the credits roll. I agree with the jury completely; Shatner is just precious here. Oh, yeah, back to *TNG*, Riker and Mitch end up pounding on each other with big Oedipal anbo-jyutsu sticks, and nothing gets resolved.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S2E36-38: Contagion, The Royale and Time Squared

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

36. Contagion. This ep appears to be all about the set! And there’s a terrible virulent computer virus and even Data gets it. So Geordi has to reboot him. That’s right! Geordi has to reboot his lover! Is that not so Geordi! The Geordiest! None more Geordi!

37.The Royale. Another show about the set! See, there’s this planet and they’re all living out a vivid fantasy life of gambling and women and meanwhile there’s, like, a dried-up corpse upstairs, just lying there! And Jean-Luc and them come in and tell the others to knock it off. What party poopers! Hey, what’s wrong with living in a fantasy world! Not that we know anyone who would do such a thing!

38. Time Squared. Uhoh! Shuttlecraft accident! Et voila! Deux Jean-Luc’s! Not as much fun as it sounds, because the Nouveau Jean-Luc just stares into space! Well! Then they kill the Nouveau Jean-Luc because they don’t know what else to do. (If Bev had been there, she’d a known what to do. She’d say, “I believe I’ll take Nouveau Jean-Luc to, uh, sickbay for, uhh, experiments.” But really she would lead the bovine newcomer to her pad, plug in some Percy Faith, and GET IT ON.)

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S2E34-35: The Measure of a Man and The Dauphin

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

34. The Measure of a Man. The Measure of a Man is just so eighties! I refer of course to the lawwhore who wants to declare Data insentient. She’s Phillipa Louvois, overly aerobicized careerbag, and she’s apparently being offered up as a role model for real women. She snaps out with her steel jaws, “Jean-Luc, you’re the sexiest man I ever knew,” which is a genuinely scary moment, but Pee Ess, great actor that he is, doesn’t flinch. Then Riker dismembers Data and we are reminded of the sad little incident where Data slept with Tasha.

35. The Dauphin. Wesley gets a girlfriend, but, oh, no! she’s a shape shifter! Thus revealing TPTB’s prejudice in favor of ineluctable-modality-of-the-visible! Their bias towards stasis! “Everybody’s great,” they say, “and we got, heheheheh, the Prime Directive goin’ on, unless a guy changes one little shape and then forget it! Drown’em in their own lake!” But I paraphrase Melville: who ain’t a shapeshifter? I mean eventually?

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville