ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S3E61: A Matter of Perspective

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

61. A Matter of Perspective. Good evening and welcome to Libra Theatre! Where all points of view are valid! Hey, there’s a scene in the movie *Giant* where Rock Hudson, Sal Mineo, and Earl Holliman are all sitting around discussing women. Prettttttttttty ironic if you ask me. Something of the same thing happens here when snippy Mister Apgar (love that name), snippy court martialist Craig Richard Nelson (he was the gay bridegroom in Robert Altman’s “The Wedding”) and the always ambivalent Will seem to accept Missus Apgar as the epitome of hot-momma-ness. Since the plot turns on the point that there’s some truth to everything, does this mean that when Missus Apgar says “first Riker touched my quivering bazooms and then he moved his fierce paw to his own love stem and the next thing I know I was saying yes and yes and . . .” she’s telling it true? Hot dog!

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville Or just come on by every Sunday! We’ll love to see y’all!

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S3E60: Deja Q

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

60. Deja Q. Q has loved his Johnny for some time, but Jean-Luc doesn’t fall in love with Q til this ep. Oodles of hot stuff: Q naked and “these aren’t my colors” and Q spitting out the phrase “little trained minions” at Data as they both march down the halls of the Enterprise! (John deLancie’s erotic fury is beautiful to behold.) Then Q decides to commit suicide in a shuttlecraft, and Riker, (oh beware the green-eyed monster, Will!) wants to let Q die, but Jean-Luc stays his hand: saying “I’d hate to waste a perfectly good shuttlecraft.” (Which is Startrek for “hitch me to your buggy, Q, lemme ride you like a mule”.) A scene that didn’t make it to the television screen: Jean-Luc retires to his ready room and there’s a beep. “Come” he says. The door whooshes open, and Riker is standing there. The door closes. “Daddy, no,” Riker says in a low rough whisper. Jean-Luc lifts his elegant head: “Boy doesn’t tell Daddy no.” SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNN.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville Or just come on by every Sunday! We’ll love to see y’all!

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S3E58-59: The Hunted and The High Ground

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

58. The Hunted. Crazed Viet Nam vet ep: Military killing machine is returned to Peacetime Planet and he doesn’t fit in. Unlike 90 per cent of all deranged televison vets, he isn’t played by Martin Sheen, but it doesn’t really matter. We do get to see James “Babe” Cromwell in yet another ST role, and Jean-Luc is quite impudent to him. (No one plays impudent in quite the Heroic/Sophoclean way Sir Big-He P.S. does.)

59. The High Ground. Here revolutionaries kidnap Bev. And then somehow kidnap JLP too. And then some others. Great Moment: it looks like curtains for Our Gang so Bev crawls on over to Jean-Luc and says, Jean-Luc, I want to talk to you about something. And – brilliant – Satrick Ptewart had been lying down but he does this ballet-type leaping-jacknife sit-up, clearly indicating the terror he feels over Bev confessing her messy inconvenient love. One of the revolutionaries, BTW, falls in love with Bev and does Police IdentiKit drawings of her. Just like a woman: she doesn’t care if Che Guevara will take her to the moon and back; it’s Jean-Luc and Jean-Luc only.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville Or just come on by every Sunday! We’ll love to see y’all!

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S3E56-57: The Vengeance Factor and The Defector

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

56. The Vengeance Factor. Featuring the Hunters, a race of Richard-Geres-thinking-about-that-first-gerbil, and their enemies, the fat-Princess-Leia-like Gatherers. Riker gets some from a blond Gatherer, but then he finds out she’s really old and so he shoots her. Dead. Ah. My. Well. But she’s OLD; what’s his HURRY?

57. The Defector. Okay, a Romulan defects to the Enterprise. He’s kind of an interesting type, slickly handsome with a gravelly voice. I imagine that, back on Romulus, he’s like a . . . game show host or something, maybe the Romulan Gene Rayburn, hunkered down over his hand-held mike as he taunts the rube Romulan contestants. The Romulan Bret Somers says, “A chandelier,” the Romulan Charles Nelson Reilly drawls, “American cheese,” and the Romulan audience goes wild. Seems like our guy commits suicide. Being a game show host is hard on Romulans. (Before that, however, he and Bev swap phone numbers. Doesn’t she have the worst luck in men! Goodness!)

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville Or just come on by every Sunday! We’ll love to see y’all!

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S3E55: The Price

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

55. The Price. Deanna downgrades her choice in men from Riker to Deivoni Ral, who gives her a foot massage on screen! To quote George C. Scott in “Hard Core”: *Turn it off, turn it off!* Matt McCoy (who has a real gift for slimy creations) plays Deivoni. He’s done some curious things in his career: he was in the 90’s greatest movie “L.A. Confidential” as the slimy TV cop based on Jack Vincennes (Kevin Spacey’s character). (Say, wouldn’t Kevin Spacey make a great Mizarian! I love Kevin Spacey! And, apropos de rien, wouldn’t Christopher Walken make the GREATEST KLINGON in Federation history!) Since “L.A. Confidential” also featured the faboo James Cromwell (I love James Cromwell too!!!), I think Curtis Hanson, the director of “LAC”, has a little hard-on for Star Trek; he was the director for “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle” which had Matt McCoy (again) as Annabelle Sciorra’s husband and John deLancie as the gynecologist who molested her. Yes. JdL was the gynecologist who molested her: swooooooooooooooooonnn! What a sexy sentence. Of course, the stupid whore turned him in to the obgyn cops and poor Q had to shoot himself. HORRIBLE, MOST HORRIBLE! Who here hates that bitch Annabelle Sciorra! Aha, I thought so! I have always fantasized about an AU version of “The Hand that Rocks The Cradle” where *she* dies and JdL is set free to molest everybody and we get to watch every bit of it! (And furthermore, wouldn’t Tommy Lee Jones make the SECOND GREATEST KLINGON IN FEDERATION HISTORY! And because he’s Tommy Lee Jones of Harvard, he could play a psychotic Klingon who recites Wallace Stevens and T.S. Eliot as he psychoes around!!!! “Death is the mother of beauty! Grrrr! We who were living are now dying with a little patience!” Wow! “You have not read *The Wasteland* until you have read it in the original Klingon!!” SWOOOOnoovius!)

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville Or just come on by every Sunday! We’ll love to see y’all!

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S3E52-54: The Bonding, Booby Trap, and The Enemy

11/17/13
ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S3E52-54: The Bonding, Booby Trap, and The Enemy

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

52. The Bonding. There’s a kid and his parents are dead. Deanna says: well, I’ll be up there terrectly to talk to you. So: is it any wonder that aliens use this poor abandoned little kid as a conduit to the Enterprise? Most unsexy. Worf seems to figure in it. Plot, plot, plot.

53. Booby Trap. Featuring Leila Brahams in the title role (raucous strip music and cheers!). This is a Geordi episode. He solves an engineering problem and doesn’t get laid. Meanwhile, Data (who at times has a weird but unmistakable resemblance to the central figure in Botticelli’s “Birth of Venus”) just stands around waiting. Sad really.

54. The Enemy. The ep that proves there are no heterosexuals in foxholes.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville Or just come on by every Sunday! We’ll love to see y’all!

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S3E50 and 51: The Survivors and Who Watches the Watchers?

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

50. The Survivors. Or Watch Out For Kevin! Kevin Uxbridge is a strange superpower who slaughters an entire planet of 56 hundred booboozillion souls. Kevin is not my idea of the right name for someone who would do that. Kevin is a pretty small hovering mouse-like name, really. I am KEVIN, destroyer of worlds. Kevin. What an odd choice. Kevin. No slash. Riker gets trapped in a thing and has to hang upside down is about it. Otherwise, no nothing. Kevin.

51. Who Watches the Watchers? Old-timey Vulcans have a toe- tapping hoe-down (much to Starfleet’s amusement; see, Starfleet is observing this crowd much as you and I might play with our ant farms). Things turn ugly when . . . something happens. The old- timey Vulcans think Jean-Luc is God (a reasonable assumption) and Riker and Deanna have to disguise themselves as old-timey Vulcans, and then Jean-Luc gets shot in the arm. Thus proving there is no God. Sort of. Also,, killer dad Leland Palmer from *Twin Peaks* seems to be head ant of the old-timey Vulcans.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville Or just come on by every Sunday! We’ll love to see y’all!

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S3E49: The Ensigns of Command

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

49.The Ensigns of Command. Lots of plot, and, amidst it, a mild attempt to establish Data as a heterosexual. No one is really fooled. Oh, I forgot to say that last week’s episode marked the . . . (wait for it) end of . . . PULASKI!!! [HUGECECILBDEMILLECROWDWRITHESINECSTACY!!!] See, the previous episode opened up with a slow pan of Ten Forward and then we see Jean-Luc sitting with . . . BEV!!! Bev’s back! And she says, “Hi, Jean-Luc, yes, I’m back, replacing that horrible Pulaski.” “Well, Bev,” he intones, “that’s a relief for me, but even more for our studio audience.” “Sure enough, Jean-Luc. No more will their ears be assaulted by her fingernails-on-chalkboard voice.” “Nor their eyes by her scary ropy face! Huzzah! Guinan, General Foods International Moment Coffees all around. And,” Jean-Luc stands up, “I think I’ll lead us all in a song of gratitude: [sings] *O come all ye tykes that ply the brine . . .* Join in everybody!” etc. etc.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville Or just come on by every Sunday! We’ll love to see y’all!

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S3E48: Evolution

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

NEW NONFICTION: MIRROR TV GUIDE LISTINGS, TNG, SEASON 3 (O3/07) AKA Through a Sunbeam Darkly Author: The Enigmatic Big Miss Sunbeam Code: TNG Rating: R for Language and Suggestive Situations.

48. Evolution. Thanks to Wesley, nanites run amok. See, it’s his science project but it got out of hand! Oh, Wes, you asshole! The director of this episode, Winrich Kolbe, calls this the “kudzu” episode because science goes crazy and does evil instead of good. Not unlike kudzu. What? Yall don’t know what kudzu is! Even as I type, I am looking out my office window at a big old mess of kudzu, the Japanese plant brought to the American South sometime in the 1940’s to stop erosion. Turns out kudzu LOVED the American South, loved it so much it wants to cover every damn inch of us with its harmless but excitable vinery (most reminiscent of the Andrew Marvell line: “my vegetable love should grow vaster than empires”). Kudzu grows an inexorable six or seven inches a night, but it still has a baffling loveliness. Say, wouldn’t that make a great Klingon name! Captain Kudz’U! (Here you go: a nice kudzu site: http://www.alltel.net/~janthony/kudzu/) [1]

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville Or just come on by every Sunday! We’ll love to see y’all!

1. Here’s some kudzu references: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kudzu and http://biology.duke.edu/bio217/2002/bmm10/kudzu.htm.

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide S2E45-47: The Emissary, Peak Performance, and Shades of Gray

ST:TNG Mirror TV Guide
by the Enigmatic Miss Sunbeam
read by Karmen Ghia

45. The Emissary. Worf’s old girlfriend shows up. They snarl at each other. This passes as a plot.

46. Peak Performance. Featuring the mandarin and effeminate Zakdorns, with the brilliant Roy Brocksmith as Public Zakdorn Number One! Brocksmith is a great alien; notice how his movement suggests that he might have three or more legs (and why not?) This ep has such a rockin plot: Zakdorns, games, Ferengi subterfuge, Riker fights Jean-Luc, Data learns some kind of lesson. It’s got it all!

47. Shades of Gray A slide show! An audiovisual! I do this all the time. I say to myself: do I really want to go in and try to taunt that herd of teen satan-worshippers into giving it up for see-aye-tee-spells-cat! NAWWW, I’ll just prop my feet up and show an AV instead! Hence this show: Riker going into a coma and strolling down memory lane. And Pulaski compounds the error.

Here ends TNG Season 2 Mirror TV Guide Interpretive Reading by Karmen Ghia. Stick around for Season 3! Or come back in a few weeks; it’s your life.

Each episode will be posted on Sunday (for as long as I last). So rev up your RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter @karmenghiaville